The house of sorrows....Kurvastuste maja...

is full of old people just waiting for the end of their days...it is a house where my nanny lives...she can't see much, she can't hear much, she doesn't recognize me always...

I am going there during Christmas every year. It is very emotional visit. I hold her hand, touch her hair and face - and look into her deep eyes - this is how we communicate...and believe me, I read all what she wants to tell me from her eyes: there are still dreams, perhaps only seen in her night-dreams now...but these are still there...

In a weird way the house of sorrows is were my dreams started...I was grown up in this village where the old manor house is - at that time it was an hospital. My friend's father worked there as a doctor... being in the big massive rooms I always dreamed this house could be mine and full of laugh, happiness and life - just as it probably was in the end of 19th century...

This dream is still there - I do not want to own the house, but I wish it would be full of laugh, happiness and life...and full of dreams which would come true...

I could not take any photos of the people living there (too much sadness) - but at the photo I see my nanny's window - her bed is just behind the white curtained windows at the right side of the house (small tower) - there are 5 women sharing the room.

Sweet dreams, my dear nanny!

Kurvastuste maja on täis vanu inimesi, kes veedavad seal oma elutee viimase osa. See on maja, kus mu hoidjatädi (kutsun teda tegelikult vanaemaks) elab. Ta ei näe hästi, ta ei kuule hästi, tihtipeale ei tunne ta mind ära.  Käin teda harilikult jõulude ajal vaatamas. See on väga emotsionaalne külaskäik: ma hoian ta kätt, silitan ta juukseid ja nägu ning vaatan ta sügavatesse silmadesse - nii me suhtlemegi. Tema silmades näen kõike seda, mida ta mulle öelda tahab. Ta silmades on ikka veel unistused -kuigi nüüd põhiliselt unenägudes, on need siiski veel olemas...

Mingil kummalisel kombel on mu unistused saanud alguse just sellest majast. Minu lapsepõlv möödus külas, kus see vana mõisahoone asub. Kunagi oli see haigla, kus töötas mu sõbranna isa....massiivsetes ruumides viibides unistasin alati, et  see oleks minu maja...täis naeru, õnnelikke hetki ning pulbitsevat elu - et kõik oleks nii nagu see ilmselt oli kunagi 19. sajandi lõpus. 

See unistus on mul ikka veel olemas - unistan, et mõisahoones oleks palju naeru, õnnelikke hetki ning  - unistusi, mis täituvad....

Ma ei suutnud teha ühtegi fotot seal elavatest inimestest, kuid pildil näen oma hoidjatädi toa aknaid - tema voodi on parema tiiva väikeses tornis asuva toa valgete kardinatega akna all.

Ilusaid unenägusid, mu kallis vanaema!